Have you ever lost your footing in love?
It’s been 7 months since my husband Ian and I said “I do” and we’ve been together for 13 years. We’re in a stage of life that is full on–raising two young daughters, growing a construction business, and renovating our country property.
While I’m grateful for all these things, it often leaves little space for us (even though we do life together in every respect).
In my world, romantic love often feels like a delicate balance of connection, independence, vulnerability, and strength. And at times it can be easy to lose footing while navigating the complexities of love.
Have you had times when you’re out of alignment with your person? I know I have.
Ian and I are far from perfect, but through trial and error, we’ve learned key elements that help us maintain a healthy relationship.
Here’s 3 ways we’ve found our footing together:
1. Teamwork
Communication is obviously the cornerstone of any successful relationship, but it goes beyond that for us—it’s about teamwork. A strong relationship is built on mutual understanding, where both partners work toward common goals, support each other through challenges, and celebrate successes.
Home projects usually fall into Ian’s corner–he handles the machinery, materials, and tools. But that isn’t to say that my support doesn’t go unnoticed. He’s shared with me countless times the importance of my presence and how helpful I am in different ways: talking aloud various solutions to unexpected problems, thinking ahead and helping set up the next step in our project, or even ensuring the children are occupied and out of harms’ way!
This past summer when building our natural swimming pond, we came up against multiple stumbling blocks–armor stones shifting, cracked piping and the like! Together, we were able to feel the frustration of things not going according to plan, the exhaustion of pouring our energy into the project, and ultimately the joy of watching our daughters take their first splash! Navigating life can be a rollercoaster, but there is something to be said about doing it with someone who shares in all the ups and downs.
Teamwork means respecting each other’s roles and contributions, whether it’s sharing responsibilities, offering emotional support, or being a sounding board.
In our partnership, we see ourselves as essential teammates.
2. Genuine Friendship: The Heart of Love
While intimacy is important, a strong friendship lays the foundation for long-lasting connection. Genuine friendship means prioritizing respect, trust, and shared enjoyment. It keeps the relationship grounded during difficult times and adds joy during good ones.
Even though Ian and I have different interests, we’re always doing things together and planning something to look forward to. For us, tasks that we find mundane on our own (yard clean up, laundry, or grocery shopping) are more enjoyable together. While work, our children’s extracurriculars, and home improvements take up a large portion of our time, we make space for the things we enjoy doing together like hosting gatherings with our friends, going to concerts, or exploring near-by forest trails.
When you nurture a friendship with your partner, you’re building affection and emotional safety. Spending quality time together, sharing hobbies, and having open-hearted conversations without romantic pressure, deepens mutual respect.
Our friendship helps create space for vulnerability.
Friendship allows us to be authentic and transparent, offering a sanctuary where we can be our true selves, free of judgment. Our friendship is the foundation of everything we create together.
3. Autonomy: Honoring Our Individual Paths
In romantic relationships, it’s easy to become so immersed in each other’s lives we forget the importance of maintaining individuality. Respecting autonomy is essential for each partners’ emotional well-being. Supporting each other’s independence and goals strengthens the emotional health of the relationship.
When I decided to pursue my yoga teacher training, it meant being away from home multiple weekends while our daughter was only 1 year old. Although it wasn’t easy, Ian fully supported my need for growth outside my role as a mother. He continues to support my role with DevaTree, and he absolutely loves the podcast! Similarly, I support Ian in his endeavours and social life–I truly love hearing about his dirt biking adventures and time spent with friends!
Our independence makes our couple time together even more meaningful; we both feel emotionally free to grow without the fear of suffocation or loss of identity.
Building a strong, lasting relationship takes effort and intention. It’s not always easy! There will be challenges, misunderstandings, and moments when you question everything.
If you’ve lost your footing in love, I hope these tools will help you ignite or rekindle your partnership together as teammates, friends, and lifelong supporters.
Here’s to love,
Candice
This is a beautiful, supportive piece, reminding us all of some key elements for connection and “finding footing” with one’s partner. Thank you, Candice!