Goodbye.

DevaTree Blog

Posted By Tamika on Mar 02, 2017

Goodbyes can be smooth and easy but they can also be sad, scary, even traumatic.

Whether it’s the end of a romance, partnership, closing of a house, last day of school, death of a pet, the end of innocence in your child, or the dessert after a most exquisite meal, goodbye is always waiting in the wings.

We can tremble, scream, pretend, avoid, distract ourselves and try to shove goodbye out the door, but it won’t stop.

Goodbye is destiny’s accomplice.

Without goodbye we’d rot away, clutching to safety and security and never saying hello to anything new.

If we can trust (even a little) that the hard goodbyes mean there’s more goodness to come, it can help us cope with goodbye.

Remembering goodbye’s superpowers gets me through the hard transitions—like the one this week.

After a long stretch of togetherness, it was time for our little posse to say goodbye. Packing up was busy, smooth and low key. Everyone was focused on getting to the ferry on time—and not leaving a sock under the bed.

Enter 10-year old Stella, crying her eyes out—loud.

As we loaded suitcases into the car, she flung her little body around my big dog, crying “I’ll never let you go, Luna! Why do we have to say goodbye anyway? I hate goodbye!”

The tightest hugs and wettest eyes I’ve ever seen.

She brought every buried sadness and avoidance out into the open for us all to feel. We needed that.

Even the teenager (desperately missing her friends back home) was pulled into the goodbye grief. Tears were shed. Feelings were expressed. After the tears, we carried on—without unsung sadness getting lodged deep inside. Stella helped us feel and heal.

Sadness over endings is healthy—it honors how special something was.

On the other hand, hating goodbyes can be tied to scarcity—fearing all our good times have run out.

If you love something dearly, fearing there will never be enough can strangle the life out of it.

Whatever you’re saying goodbye to in your life, remember there’s more goodness ahead. If you’ve created something wonderful once, you can do it again.

Goodbye my loves,
Tamika

P.S. What’s ending in your life right now? Are you feeling it and moving it through, or resisting goodbye? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

19 Comment(s)

maggie on March 02, 2017: Such wonderful timing Tamika, as always <3 My beautiful sweet poochie child, Mollie is almost 16 and nearing the end of her life here with us :( Although the years have been abundant with much love and joy, my sadness at her leaving this plane is so very deep. Tears rolling down my face just writing this. She has been my best friend, my confidant, my child <3 We three me, Mollie and Stewart are a family. We have shared so many experiences together and I/we love her so very deeply. Letting her go is so very hard, I think I am holding on so tightly that she is staying to help me... I don't want to keep her here if she is hurting and in pain and at the same time my heart aches at the thought of her not being here :( In the end it is not me who will decide, it is her and she will go when it's time. Loving so deeply is a gift and know we have had a good long run of it ... more than most poochie/people relationships . I am working on knowing it will be ok, I/we will get through this , there are new beginnings out there for me and us, without Mollie's physical presence .. Saying goodby IS hard... I know we have been blessed with many more years than "a normal" lifespan of a poochie .
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: Dearest Maggie, reading about your Mollie-baby, my heart is bursting. This is so hard. They barely ask for anything from us but love (+ food). I know that feeling of holding on so tightly and it's totally natural...it will pass when the time is right. It's part of the goodbye. Mollie is staying because she wants to. She knows exactly when to go. Still crying thinking of your love of animals and your big open heart, Love you Maggie & Mollie & Stewart. XO
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Whitney Chapman on March 02, 2017: This was exactly what I needed! I was/am Stella... who loves so much and feels so much. I've been putting off a huge purge in my life because I have forgotten that there is more that the universe wants to show me! Thank you for this reminder!
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: I'm so glad this helped Whitney. The Stellas of the world (like you and I) fill it with passion! Best to you in your transitions. So grateful we're on planet Earth together. xOm
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Cindy deJong on March 02, 2017: Found out last week that the job that I have been at for 10 years is being eliminated. Even though I have struggled with "not wanting" to be at this job many, many times...I still have felt the pangs of "I'm never going to be going there again" And it is with sadness, that I think of this. I have a few more weeks to work with this, as I am not done until March 30th, and I know in this moment that on that last day there will be tears as I feel them welling up behind my eyes as I type this. I am also trusting that something new and wonderful is on the horizon for me, and I do have that to look forward to. Even still I am crying now.
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: I love your truth and your beautiful way of sharing it, Cindy. Feeling it with you because even when we know it's happening for a reason, letting go of a huge life-chapter shakes up everything. Onward, sister! XOXO
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Stacey on March 02, 2017: What if it's just to hard to say goodbye? What happens when the sadness is unbearable?
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: Unbearably sad is a real feeling, Stacey. It's totally valid to feel that way...don't avoid it because it's your truth. When I feel that way, I go closer to it. I want to get as deeply connected to "unbearably sad" as I possibly can. Usually this involves my bed, a box of tissue, a journal and sometimes a divination tool (like a card deck). If that doesn't work, I call in my support team...someone who knows how to pick me up when I need a hand, sometimes a professional mentor who can see what I can't see. It's okay to feel how you're feeling, and it will pass. But if it takes too long to shift, don't do it alone. Sending a blanket of love and healing to you, and will ask this of anyone else reading this comment. "I ask any and all benevolent beings to send love, healing, comfort, ease to Stacey. I see her feeling this healing and comfort now, and being open to receive it. And so it is." XOXO
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Stacey on March 03, 2017: Thank you for the kind words Tamika and your constant reminders to follow our truth. The other posts are also very helpful, knowing we are never alone :-)
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Donna Hammond on March 02, 2017: I found Stella's response to saying goodbye very heartbreaking and I felt sad for all of you. I'm not good at goodbyes .. never have been. Keep the faith Stella and you will hug lovely Luna again very soon.
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: Luna is sending YOU a big hug right now, Donna. Goodbyes can be so tough. Love you!
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Jessica on March 02, 2017: This article could not ring more true for my life chapter I am in right now. I had to say my final goodbye to my Dad 2 months ago and I could have never predicated the emotions I felt and am still feeling. It's hard to imagine happiness after his passing, I know time heals all but that goodbye will ring in my head for the rest of my life. He brought so much light and peace into my life. I hear it gets easier but dearly missing my Daddy everyday.
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: Thank you for opening your heart to us Jessica. Your Dad sounds like an incredible man, father, and friend. I can't imagine the gap in your heart from his death. I CAN imagine that the best of him is alive and intact inside you. I honor your pain because it speaks to the power of this great love you shared. Wishing you comfort in this epic goodbye. XO
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LP on March 02, 2017: Oh how fitting. Many tears have been shed today. Waking up and reading this this morning really brought to the forefront a lot of emotions. Loss, sadness, comfort and truth. This was divine timing and I you are amazing at being you! There have been a lot of goodbyes over the last few weeks and still some to come tomorrow, and I am feeling sad, and also excited for what my next role in life will be. Thank you for holding space for me to feel, for always allowing me to share, for giving me the container to stand in my truth and for all your love, light and truth. I appreciate you so very much! Love you! XOXO
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Tamika on March 02, 2017: LP, pass the kleenex! What a day, week, year of laughter, tears, love—and heart. I love that you're sad to go and excited about the future simultaneously—it's a beautiful dance. Thank YOU for all you've given DevaTree this past year. Thank you for loving this community with total Unicorn-commitment and magic—and wanting to see every student and instructor thrive. Thank you for opening up your heart, even when it's hard. Thank you for being a team player 100%! Love and rainbows always, beautiful Mama XOXO
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Misty on March 03, 2017: I am always in awe how the Universe always provides what I need when I need it. This blog came at such a pivotal time in my life. On Monday I said goodbye to my 20 year legal career to follow my heart and Tuesday I thought WHAT DID I JUST DO!!! Then I took a breath and trusted my decision as not only did I follow my heart but I responded to a sign from the Universe and know I am on the right path. Saying goodbye was scary and sad but I know the goodbye opened up an opportunity for something amazing to come into my life. Thank you so much Tamika and sending lots of love and gratitude for all that you do.
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Tamika on March 03, 2017: Congratulations on this momentous and courageous goodbye, Shakti! So much love to you on this journey forward and I'm so honored to be a part of it! XOXO
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Brenda on March 03, 2017: Thank you Tamika. Yes, perfect timing as always! Saying Goodbye to so much right now, especially physical stuff that's been holding my energy in a particular pattern. Realizing as I let go of the physical, there seems to be a huge layer of emotional stuff getting unpacked and released also. So, goodbye to all that holds me back, gratitude for the gifts it gave and looking forward with excitement and uncertainty.... It's such a dance.
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Tamika on March 03, 2017: Love to you, Brenda-ji! Your zest for life—and facing the ups and downs with grace—is an inspiration to me. XOXO
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